Birthday

Love. Hysterical gasping for air sobbing. Falling out of my Zoom square laughter. Deep despair. Broken prayers when I wasn’t even sure why I was praying. Pomegranates. Painting. Drag. Life giving breathing. Ted Lasso. Loud Feminism. Raging. Lots of it. Fear. Color. Feeling like I don’t know what or who to trust. Pronouns. Lots of 1980s aerobic workouts. Buying my first pair of Converse high tops since I wore them every day in that same decade. Plants. Spider Man. You. Sirius XM. Trash cans out every damn week. And then back in. Deep moaning from pain. Deep, hopeless, terrible pain. Youtube rabbit holes. All kinds of weird and wonderful friends. Matching tattoos. New-blue car. Wildness. The discovery that my sibling shares my heart. Family. Betrayal. James Taylor-John Denver-Lizzo-Rainbow Girls-Billy Joel-Queen-Cat Stevens (Harold and Maude is 50)-Bengsons-Trixie Mattel. Writing. Ham and bean soup - with homemade cornbread. Quiet Feminism. Loving what I do and loving who I am. Family. Elf and Jingle All the Way. Ted Lasso! Death. Fire. Hope. Destruction. Creation.

All of it kissing.

It has been a year.